by Frank O’Donnell, WPRO Contributor
When you’ve got an interview scheduled with Kathy Griffin, your best bet is to strap in and enjoy the ride.
“How close is Providence to Warwick?” she asked. “I’m asking for a friend.”
Not too far. Why?
“Okay, I’m super-obsessed with ‘My 600-Pound Life.’ Tell me you know about the Assanti brothers.”
I confess I don’t know them. I have heard of the TLC reality show, but not the Assantis.
“Okay, so one of them weighs like 800 pounds. They eat many pizzas a day. He gets admitted to the hospital, but keeps getting pizza delivered, and they kick him out.”
Here’s the story. The Assanti brothers, natives of Warwick, were featured on the show, and Steven Assanti made headlines for being kicked out of a hospital weight loss program after having pizzas delivered to the hospital. “It’s so extreme, it cracks me up.”
She’s hoping the Assantis can get their own spin-off. “It’s like the male heterosexual version of ‘Real Housewives of New Jersey.’”
So, Kathy Griffin is coming to The Vets this Sunday, April 9, at 7PM. “That’s right. 7PM. Usually people expect a show at 8PM. That’s going to annoy people. They’ll have to deal with my filth and vulgarity an hour earlier.”
While the show is part of her 50-date Celebrity Run-In Tour, in support of her new book of the same name, Kathy promises all-new material. “I’m not going to just stand up there and read the book.” But she’s likely to tell a story or two.
Perhaps one about our new “precedent.” That’s what she calls Donald Trump. “If he’s not going to spell it correctly, neither will I.”
And yes, “your beloved Kathy Griffin” – she’s begun referring to herself in the third person, but it’s not at all troubling – “has known this fool since the mid-90s.”
She pulls no punches, admitting to a few bizarre run-ins with POTUS. “There was the day I spent with The Donald – he wants you to call him that – driving in a golf cart with him and Liza Minelli.” That’s a teaser. More in her book, and possibly on stage at The Vets.
“There’s so much going on in the world, today’s political climate.” She promises to stay on top of current events until 6:50PM on Sunday evening, so something very fresh could be a topic for discussion. “I always ask, how many of you wake up seriously considering that this day could be it?”
She says that touring with her stand-up act is her favorite thing to do. “I still enjoy getting in trouble. I try to get Anderson Cooper fired once a year.”
She’s referring to her New Year’s Eve stint, co-hosting a show with CNN’s Cooper. “The fact that we were 50 feet in front of Mariah Carey this year on New Year’s Eve when all that happened. That’s a comedy windfall.”
Our conversation turns to her mother, Maggie. The last time we chatted, Maggie was in the background, refusing to serve as Secretary of State. The need to fly around the world was the deal breaker. “My mother’s watching the Gorsuch hearings, and she thinks they’re about Judge Judy. She’s started a grass roots campaign in her retirement village to have Judge Judy be the only one on the Supreme Court.”
Maggie splits her time between the retirement village and Kathy’s mansion. “My current neighbors? Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. My mother wanted to pop over and say hello. Two hours later, after a box of wine, she told me that Kim was just trying to glom onto my fame. Meanwhile, they’re over there printing money.”
And on second thought, Kathy thinks her mom might be ready to jump into the fray and work for the Trump administration. “She’d be a perfect fit. She’s very into fake news and manipulation of facts.”
[Kathy Griffin appears at The Vets on Sunday, April 9 at 7PM. For tickets and information, visit www.thevetsri.com. For more information on Kathy Griffin, visit www.kathygriffin.com.]
